What do you do when everything you dreamed of and planned for your life starts to pale in comparison to new desires that are filtering in?
This has been a recurring question of mine over the past few months and evermore so when I was in Haiti last week. Dreams of a stellar career climbing the corporate ladder, a handsome man who brings home the bacon, 3.5 kids spaced out perfectly, a house on the coast with the boat in the backyard, and so much more. None of that seems to matter anymore. Sure, I still have a desire for these things but they have begun to fade when I put them next to these new desires God has created in me.
It’s hard to put words with these new dreams because I, myself, still don’t know what they mean or what they look like. But a stellar career is being replaced with a desire to pour my life into organizing missions trips so others can experience life change as I did on my first trip and still do. A man who brings home the bacon is being replaced with a hope for a man whose master is Jesus and whose desire is to lay his life aside for God to use as He pleases. Dreams of kids who all look like my husband and I are being replaced with a hope to be able to have my own and adopt one day, to make a difference in one kid’s life who otherwise would never know love. A beautiful home with all the comforts and luxuries is being replaced with a vision of a modest home in a third world country that hosts teams and makes them feel welcomed as they come to serve.
I don’t know what any this means yet for my future... clearly, since the title of this blog is “What do you do?”. But “my dreams have found their purpose” and “my future [is] in [God’s] hands” as the Hillsong You lyrics say. In the meantime I will confidently trust that God is directing my steps. That the closer I draw to Him, the more I will understand what these desires mean. I’ll trust in Psalm 20:4 - May he give you the desires of your heart and make all your plans succeed. And in Matthew 6:8 - I know what you need before you ask me, so dream big, pray big, and believe big.
I’m going do my best to stay in motion while pursuing God so that when He is ready to start a new chapter in my life I am already moving in that direction. So I move forward and will bring glory to Him with the life He has me in right now. I won’t sit and wait. Because I am not waiting on God, He is waiting on me. I’m going to continue reading this encouraging excerpt from Crazy Love that I’ve had on my bathroom mirror for the past few months:
“...God doesn’t call us to be comfortable. He calls us to trust Him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if He doesn’t come through.”
So I will take “risks” and seek after the things He is placing on my heart. I will trust that He will come through as I allow myself to fade away and let His desires replace those of my own. Because I know the plans He has for my life are far greater of a treasure than I could ever dream of. That is what I will do.
